life

A message, a thought, a story or a day? Lost inside myself I know no way to stop the voice that lives to nag me into submission. To make me feel inferior or to make me feel like my world should be something it isn't.

My life when I could walk and many when I couldn't just flashed by with my mind just going along for the ride and now that I have all my worries at bay these days my life seems more upside down than when I all was a bundle of fun.

I got into GOD in Christ back in the mid to late 80's and I think knowing right from wrong never bothers a person it is what you think you might be doing to the ones around you? Just lighting up a cigarette and a child seeing you do it and thinking you are cool doing it may start him or her on a journey that you wouldn't wish on anyone. Then life goes on and you start thinking about the food you eat and the creatures that have to suffer for me to have a full belly, then you move on to your own self.

Once you own a home, a car, a large screen TV, a stereo, a computer, any and all of life's needs and wants what do you have? You have a need for friendship or someone to share your good will with but at an age that is past the druggie days and days past the drinking days and smoking days who wants to be around you? Not a soul…

There are weeks that go by that I am not visited by a friend or called by one either so you wonder to yourself, is this what I get to look forward to for the next 40 – 60 years?

I always wondered about life and the journeys and places and people I would love to meet and now when I meet them we all say the same things. We all have pains, we all have problems and money problems and the list goes on. I am lost but found for GOD was my destination and his son Jesus Christ is the door way. As sad as this message sounds to you, and I feel it too, there is nothing but love in GOD above and our journeys are the people we meet going and doing things. The ones that piss us off and the ones that go out of their way to help. This big wonderful world is made for our enjoyment if we can just let go of that little voice or I call it satin the dark one. He whispers nasty thoughts when I see a gorgeous woman pass by and he whispers ugly words when I see someone walk by different than me but worst of all He whispers in others ears too and points their hate and bigotry towards me.

I don't hate for there is no place in my heart for the emotion but I can be tricked into anger and the anger can hang with me for days and sometimes weeks but I finally see through the trick and it is all window trappings in a spiritual world. I only loose my stability for that time and when I come back to center I say I wont let that happen again but I know it will. GOD gave us free will and that is the trick, there is nothing to turning off a bad mood except when I am in one.

I know the rules and love all but just knowing the rules doesn't make me a better person acting like a better person negates the rules.

Peace and Love Out

Larry

Try to make the most of life it's worth it...

Some days you just can't win. Ask God in Heaven before you get out of bed to take care of your life and all things will work out as long as you are remembering to keep God's kingdom first and loving your neighbors as yourself but mess up there and you are on your own. I tried to leave some feed back on a blog of someone else's but ended up blogging my own blog. What a drag as I wasn't ready for mine and it always takes me 10 hours to get a half hour out here for you to see. This just messed up my day sort of.

All I wanted to do was tell someone that infamous was a bad thing not a good thing and look, I am now blogging my own page again so why do they have comments on the Blogs at Blogger?

So let me try and save the day with a great Blog about life and living in it. I live in life because back in 1955 my mother and father were feeling frisky one cold evening after already having 2 boys 4 & 5 years earlier so the way I look at it is either I am a mistake and mom got fixed after my birth or they actually wanted me. I can't see that after knowing my brothers so I have to conclude that I am a mistake and have been making them ever since I popped my little head out of that stretched pussy that belonged to mom way back in 1956. Ouch is all I can say for both of us now thinking back but I guess in a way I had it made because my brothers got to try their hand at raising a child. I spent more time with my brothers then with my parents so I feel in a small way like they raised me… They were mean as shit to me most of the time and I was a pest to them most of the time too but we had to like one another because we traveled across or is that around the world together knowing only ourselves most of the time until school would start and my brothers would run of to school and mom and I played a lot at the local swimming pool. This was the first time I can even remember so after that I begin remembering bunches of times that I was given to my brothers to be taken care of without their consent and they hated me for that and I didn't want to be with them anymore than they wanted me with them.

Life is funny that way but I learned to like and even love my brothers like a family is supposed to love one another even though they didn't learn that part of life. I am not saying anything they wouldn’t say themselves about each other. I lived in a very dysfunctional environment only because I was left to play by myself more than with people all over the world and it didn't bother me because I was the cause of more fights than I care to mention. Brothers watching out for the little one. I got more beatings than I deserved because of the same brothers too. I think when you are the third child in a bundle of three there isn't much you can do that is right to your parents but I had to answer more to my two brothers than to my parents and I am so screwed up try putting a lid on me… It wont fit. J

My favorite member of the Upright Family right now is my sister in-law even though she seems to think I am a boy around 12 and need to be guided around by the hand but I like that because she just cares. I don't even hear from either of my brothers any more just the oldest's wife, which is fine with me, as I really don't have much to say to my brother on that end. Kim is so much more informative. Now let me state this correct, I love all my brothers as if they were living with me and we were just as we were in the past but the Upright men don't speak to one another. Thank God for Kim which is the oldest brother's wife and she and I love talking to one another so I feel as though I talked to Richard when my calls and emails are finished with his wife. Now my next to the oldest brother is loved by me and that is in the heart because there is not one word spoken to me since his marriage and I don't even know how long ago that was. I didn't want to have him fade away and I did want to have a family for life but it seems as though I live alone and share time with parts of the family at different times. I spend time with mom and dad on Sundays for dinner and anytime dad or mom needs computer help. I spend Thanksgiving dinner with them and every other birthday of mine which really lets me know that they do love me dearly and then Kim and I email and talk on the phone together. Richard doesn't do phones or email so Kim is just fine because she is his wife that I pray never ends.

So with my lost brother and his wife I don't know if they even care or like me and the family. I tried inviting them for thanksgiving dinner last year because that would have meant the entire family would have been here but no they had better things to do so I guess we take back seat to any and all things in their lives. Oh well, I love them just the same. We can't always get what we want..

One good thing happened to me this past year though and that was picking up a new and old family member with 3 daughters that I love so much along with her husband Steve. We now communicate as much as we want and there is no pressure about contacting one another but I email Vickie's middle daughter Christy as often as I think of something to say to her so if I can't have a brother I will do with a cousin and her family. I visited them a year or two ago and am overwhelmed with the love our family is still capable of.

Cuzzin Jake I can't forget about comes down when he wants and he is 83 years old. He came down last month and I love having him down and we talk about everything and that is some good love there. I love to see him coming or hear he is coming by it fills my body with those Champaign bubbles I get so happy.

Yes, 50 years old and I am surrounded with love and I love to love all else pales to the love I am blessed with here in Tallahassee Florida.

God Bless you all

La Roo

What it is and where are we headed

We are living in a time that life is getting hard and gangs, I see, are to be the outcome of this one parent family outcome. No love other than direction but the American family is a thing of the past. This of course leaves our young in the need to be a part of a bigger and loving environment and this is what gangs give.

It took terrorists to strip us of our freedom of speech, freedom to privacy, and now our military police states are looking for ways to strip us of our weapons. I don't own a gun nor want one but these days of late I see we are less and less free. The police in Madison County don't care who you are but they will ticket you and it’s easier to pay then go back out to no where to fight your tickets.

All American's with incomes below $24,000.00 per year have no representation and GOD forbid if you are black or disabled or mentally challenged because these individuals have targets on their backs.

Our country is going down the tubes just like our money and jobs have dried up. No money goes to education to make education interesting enough to have our kids wanting to finish and all they really need is a shot of a good job to look forward too.

What a lonely world we live in but realistically it always has been so don't hurt people that are good to you or people less fortunate than you try to get out and help one another like my brothers and sisters should get out in the world for a couple hours a day and talk or help people that need help. I know that sounds to simple to change the world but if everyone did it we would soon feel a part of a bigger thing.

Gangs might be the answer but when the gangs turn into organizations bent on destruction and adding to the problems of our country then it isn't worth it to everyone around the gang and I know if the gang is lifted up then that is a good thing.

We are a young country and jobs dried up at the end of WW2 and we started building roads and projects paid for by taxes just to put people to work and now the government that all of us hate are our friends and neighbors at work. If we close down the government and end road construction and projects to keep people working the entire country dies and none of us want that but we do want a fare shake getting the good jobs.

Now that our country is a police, war, and government machine and we make nothing yet put out farmers out of business and then hate the people the work the farms we are doomed. Every country in the world hates us and we owe everyone so if we don't fire all the police, warriors, and government we are doomed to be just what every other country use to be. Rome burned in a day and it won't even take a day for us to burn. We all need to get involved and stop the killing and wake our representatives up and have them do our will instead of the big business.

If you like the way our world is headed continue kicking your feet up on the coffee table with the joint in your hands and let it happen. We will all see our dream end together. If you don't then get your asses out and stop the bullshit now by protesting and being heard.

Peace Out