Give in Love

I am a firm believer in the do unto others before they do it unto you however my doing is the good stuff. People are my muse and energy and reason for getting out of bed early in the morning. It is so cool to watch someone's face that is hopeless but when you give them a lift out of the hole they put themselves in their appreciation might not come back to you through them but your rewards come by other means. Most of the time when I have helped people like the last couple, Howard and his girlfriend were real crack heads, not that I wasn't just as bad while they were around but I received a phone call from a Howard a buddy of mine and we were just talking and I told him if he needed a place to stay for a week or two and as long as a month that I was game to help him out.

A knock came on my door and it was Howard and his girlfriend and their dog. Now I hadn't heard a word about dogs and girlfriends but I blew it off and went ahead and let them both move in. Now the lady she was great with her little dog but Howard was just a piece of shit. Granted I do not hate people in any shape or form I am explaining his actions towards me as being a piece of shit. Here he is with every paycheck he received and I couldn't tell you how much or when or if he got any money but I would fall asleep and he would take my car to crack town and borrow crack in my name. Now I don't do crack alone and really hate doing it with people so I try just to stay away from it but Howard would come home so messed up on that shit and then look me in the eye and boldly tell me he wasn't paid.

I have been a piece of shit myself and thus I know the stupid stories that druggies use and he never had a cent the entire time he was living rent free which was only one month but it got so bad that I told him that I wanted him out by Friday on the fourth week of his stay. I told him no excuses would be accepted as I had heard so many by this time. No help to me what so ever did Howard give or do for me but then that wasn't the invitation. I told him (Howard) he could stay for a month at the longest which means that there is no payment necessary it is a gift just like the gift's our father in heaven gave us (FREELY).

Now the first week that Howard and his girlfriend and the dog were there I should have known that he hadn't changed a bit so he came to the house after working on my car with crack in his pocket and he let loose the Cracken. After week one I was tired of smoking that shit and Howard I could see had a monkey on his back, not that I am monkey free, and then he began begging money from me. He borrowed from me till I had nothing to loan anymore. Now that was all fine and good as now Howard would have to buy his own crack. Now Howard's girlfriend had a court date on the third week of their stay and on the first week I told Howard that I would give him the money for a bus ticket for his girlfriend to go to Lake City so she could take care of her legal problems. Well Howard told me I have it all taken care of so I told him that if he didn't I wasn't taking him to that court. Well the day of the trial came and he called me and begged me to take them to lake city. I could have killed him at that point as I am afflicted with pressure sores and they come to me like wind on a storm and I drove the two of them to Lake City from Tallahassee and I waited in my car for the entire day.

Now don't ask me why it took all day long for them to finish up with this lady but I was so pissed off at this entire situation as I had told Howard on week one I would give him the money to get her to this stupid court thing and he said no. I drive him and his girlfriend and end up with the worst pressure sore ever in my life due to a couple things first it started out with me scuba diving and then that long ass ride and sitting in the car all day and then riding back home sealed my pain and suffering to come. I ended up laying in bed for 3 months before I went to the hospital which lasted 30 days and then another 3 months of laying on my stomach after I got home from the hospital. Now I had loaned the two of them money for one reason or another and both of them swore they would pay me but I heard nothing about it and that was back in 2002 so I think Howard is just not a friend and he seems to think that I am an easy mark but I was however I am crippled and when you take from someone worse off than yourself to do drugs than you really have a problem so I lifted it to GOD and when we got back home after the trip to Lake City I took a shower and then I sat in my lounge chair and told the two to come and sit on the couch I had something they needed to hear:

Sitting with my hair soaked and me hot as hell I said, "Howard, you have been here three weeks and I told you that you could stay for one month. You said nothing to me about a girlfriend or a dog and my trailer isn't big enough for all of us. On this coming Friday I want you out of my house and I don't care if you don't get paid, I don't care about anything that might come up there will be not one excuse accepted in this matter if you are not out of my house on Friday day or night is all the time I am giving you and then your shit will be out in the yard for the trash man to pick up."

There were no excuses come Friday and he and she and the dog were gone with them owing me 350 dollars for her court thing but I just couldn't see her going to jail and if it were left up to Howard she would be running from the law right at this moment. I gave Howard an easy way to get his lady taken care of and all would have been cool but instead he decided to over do his begging and ruin not only a friendship but my feelings about man. I had been struggling with the worthlessness of man and her they come a couple that think they are the only ones in this world with a problem. They borrowed money from me and swore they would pay me and didn't so now I can't trust a soul. I am saddened by that entire life event and 8 months I tried to kill myself. Was it Howard ripping me off that hurt so much that I would throw away a life God gave me with love? Would it be Roy Raybon, Mitch Smith, or Phil Jarman's deaths that sent me over the top?

I can't nor want to understand why I attempted suicide, I know that living in a shell of a body with little left of being able to get around and enjoy a little bit of life but this cyber world can be just as cruel as the real world. Just be careful out there my friends for your friends are still your friends after they screw you over but God forgets a sin and casts it as far away as possible but we aren't GOD we are but people down on this globe trying to make things gel and when people come out of the woodwork to take from you never let that person do it again. I love to give but when people begin to expect it I am not happy about giving at all. I am not anyone's sufficiency nor should I be for it is GOD that promises us shelter and food if only we believe in him and his son.

It was my stupid since of help that put me in the hospital not my house guests and it was me that got the sore on my ass so I blame them none for the stupidity I stumbled into. My goodness will not leave me for it is all I have that the father has allowed me to have to give to those that need. It makes me shine when I see someone down and out and when they have if only for the moment a smile and hope fills the eyes of them that receive. There is no better feeling in life than that little bit if love.

Peace Out

La Roo

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