Happy Birthday

Today the 28th Day of August is La Roo's 50th Birthday. I was injured in an automobile accedent back in 1976 so that make's me a 30 year survivor of a spinal cord injury. The only reason I bring that up is that when I was hurt the doctor told me that 35 would be it for me. I wasn't sure weather or not he was saying that I would last to age 35 or I would live 35 more years after my accedent. I took it as I wouldn't make it past age 35 and lived life to its fullest. I drank from a full cup for 16 years before I realized that the doctor must have meant 35 more years meaning I have 5 left on his count watch but I feel like a kid and think I will way outlive the perdicted 35 more years.

This morning I woke up and went and drank coffee at the coffee shop and then went to the Junior College that I only had 3 credit hours to complete my AA degree after 30 years of going on and off. Well it turns out that I am lacking 22 hours so that means I went to college for like six long years and still have 22 hours to go to get my aa... Something seems rotten in denmark but hey what the heck when you reach my age who cares. Thank god I don't have to take that entrance exam like the days of old. Since have taken that thing 4 times already and each time I had to go to 4 years of prepetory classes before I got one credit hour. I pray that doesn't happen this time. But anyway I filled out the form and will take my documents to start college in 3 weeks. It should be a real trip. I am going to take one class at a time till it's all over. Seven more classes will get me my degree so I think that is what I will do. It should be fun and it is a great way to keep me busy in my aging days.

This was my weekend and I was surrounded with family. I love my family with all my might and my friends have been feeling really good to me lately too. I think that I have a great life with people that love me and a nice home with a dog and if I ever needed anything there a friend is to help me. I have never in my life have what I have right at this moment in time. I am 50 years old and the world has said that money doesn't make a person rich it is if you can count your friends on one hand then you are a very rich man. I never met a person I didn't like it's just the things people do that upsets me every once in a while but that doesn't make anyone on my bad side. I have every thing in life that a man could possibly want. I know that it might not stay that way I may be rich or I may be poor, I may be sick or I might feel great I haven't gotten a clue to what tomorrow has in store for me but for right now I am in love with ever opening eye and every breath of air I take. I pray and wish above all that everyone in the world would feel the way I am feeling right now.

This is the time that art should flow from the fingers and it does I just can't bring myself to sit still long enough to create. Creation is so draining but it must be done when it is available and flowing. Remember that there is sacrafice with art and every artist knows that he suffers to make the perfect piece of art may it be stone, wood, words, or canvas. When my body is in pain and I am home all alone sleeping my life away I would love to have the want to create but my words come to me when I am busy doing life and living in it so the world suffers for my selfisness but the work is fuller with the experiences of more life. No one really looses as an artist has no real completed work of art till it is complete and that happens when the artist is ready to share it with the world.

Love your chosen profession and learn from it and the people you work with because the art that flows out of your heart on those days you feel like creating will come out in ways that you never could have without the process of taking in so much beauty or discust and bringing it out in your art. Every thing that this world has growing, or built creations that coexist in this place we call our neighborhoods but it is all material for an artist to create beauty for the inhaitants to reflect and understand their places in it.

Peace and Out

La Roo

Give in Love

I am a firm believer in the do unto others before they do it unto you however my doing is the good stuff. People are my muse and energy and reason for getting out of bed early in the morning. It is so cool to watch someone's face that is hopeless but when you give them a lift out of the hole they put themselves in their appreciation might not come back to you through them but your rewards come by other means. Most of the time when I have helped people like the last couple, Howard and his girlfriend were real crack heads, not that I wasn't just as bad while they were around but I received a phone call from a Howard a buddy of mine and we were just talking and I told him if he needed a place to stay for a week or two and as long as a month that I was game to help him out.

A knock came on my door and it was Howard and his girlfriend and their dog. Now I hadn't heard a word about dogs and girlfriends but I blew it off and went ahead and let them both move in. Now the lady she was great with her little dog but Howard was just a piece of shit. Granted I do not hate people in any shape or form I am explaining his actions towards me as being a piece of shit. Here he is with every paycheck he received and I couldn't tell you how much or when or if he got any money but I would fall asleep and he would take my car to crack town and borrow crack in my name. Now I don't do crack alone and really hate doing it with people so I try just to stay away from it but Howard would come home so messed up on that shit and then look me in the eye and boldly tell me he wasn't paid.

I have been a piece of shit myself and thus I know the stupid stories that druggies use and he never had a cent the entire time he was living rent free which was only one month but it got so bad that I told him that I wanted him out by Friday on the fourth week of his stay. I told him no excuses would be accepted as I had heard so many by this time. No help to me what so ever did Howard give or do for me but then that wasn't the invitation. I told him (Howard) he could stay for a month at the longest which means that there is no payment necessary it is a gift just like the gift's our father in heaven gave us (FREELY).

Now the first week that Howard and his girlfriend and the dog were there I should have known that he hadn't changed a bit so he came to the house after working on my car with crack in his pocket and he let loose the Cracken. After week one I was tired of smoking that shit and Howard I could see had a monkey on his back, not that I am monkey free, and then he began begging money from me. He borrowed from me till I had nothing to loan anymore. Now that was all fine and good as now Howard would have to buy his own crack. Now Howard's girlfriend had a court date on the third week of their stay and on the first week I told Howard that I would give him the money for a bus ticket for his girlfriend to go to Lake City so she could take care of her legal problems. Well Howard told me I have it all taken care of so I told him that if he didn't I wasn't taking him to that court. Well the day of the trial came and he called me and begged me to take them to lake city. I could have killed him at that point as I am afflicted with pressure sores and they come to me like wind on a storm and I drove the two of them to Lake City from Tallahassee and I waited in my car for the entire day.

Now don't ask me why it took all day long for them to finish up with this lady but I was so pissed off at this entire situation as I had told Howard on week one I would give him the money to get her to this stupid court thing and he said no. I drive him and his girlfriend and end up with the worst pressure sore ever in my life due to a couple things first it started out with me scuba diving and then that long ass ride and sitting in the car all day and then riding back home sealed my pain and suffering to come. I ended up laying in bed for 3 months before I went to the hospital which lasted 30 days and then another 3 months of laying on my stomach after I got home from the hospital. Now I had loaned the two of them money for one reason or another and both of them swore they would pay me but I heard nothing about it and that was back in 2002 so I think Howard is just not a friend and he seems to think that I am an easy mark but I was however I am crippled and when you take from someone worse off than yourself to do drugs than you really have a problem so I lifted it to GOD and when we got back home after the trip to Lake City I took a shower and then I sat in my lounge chair and told the two to come and sit on the couch I had something they needed to hear:

Sitting with my hair soaked and me hot as hell I said, "Howard, you have been here three weeks and I told you that you could stay for one month. You said nothing to me about a girlfriend or a dog and my trailer isn't big enough for all of us. On this coming Friday I want you out of my house and I don't care if you don't get paid, I don't care about anything that might come up there will be not one excuse accepted in this matter if you are not out of my house on Friday day or night is all the time I am giving you and then your shit will be out in the yard for the trash man to pick up."

There were no excuses come Friday and he and she and the dog were gone with them owing me 350 dollars for her court thing but I just couldn't see her going to jail and if it were left up to Howard she would be running from the law right at this moment. I gave Howard an easy way to get his lady taken care of and all would have been cool but instead he decided to over do his begging and ruin not only a friendship but my feelings about man. I had been struggling with the worthlessness of man and her they come a couple that think they are the only ones in this world with a problem. They borrowed money from me and swore they would pay me and didn't so now I can't trust a soul. I am saddened by that entire life event and 8 months I tried to kill myself. Was it Howard ripping me off that hurt so much that I would throw away a life God gave me with love? Would it be Roy Raybon, Mitch Smith, or Phil Jarman's deaths that sent me over the top?

I can't nor want to understand why I attempted suicide, I know that living in a shell of a body with little left of being able to get around and enjoy a little bit of life but this cyber world can be just as cruel as the real world. Just be careful out there my friends for your friends are still your friends after they screw you over but God forgets a sin and casts it as far away as possible but we aren't GOD we are but people down on this globe trying to make things gel and when people come out of the woodwork to take from you never let that person do it again. I love to give but when people begin to expect it I am not happy about giving at all. I am not anyone's sufficiency nor should I be for it is GOD that promises us shelter and food if only we believe in him and his son.

It was my stupid since of help that put me in the hospital not my house guests and it was me that got the sore on my ass so I blame them none for the stupidity I stumbled into. My goodness will not leave me for it is all I have that the father has allowed me to have to give to those that need. It makes me shine when I see someone down and out and when they have if only for the moment a smile and hope fills the eyes of them that receive. There is no better feeling in life than that little bit if love.

Peace Out

La Roo

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The world of Internet and art

Waking each and every morning since the beginning of the World Wide Web I have turned on my computer first thing. When the Internet isn't up and running it is pure hell for my email awaits my answering not to mention all my shows that I have to listen too each and every morning.

Isn't it strange to wake with nothing to do because life online has been my first action for the past 10 years. This day my awaking self has no where to go in the universe of the e-world. Who knows what is going on or who is wanting me to respond to there messages to me. I am lost without my Internet but each day it rains I loose all hope of my alter ego.

Anything that becomes this much a part of a person's life is something that needs not that much priority in a life. First things first and GOD in CHRIST in me comes first than vitamins and then the dog and we move on from there in a retirement environment. I start each day with the Internet and after getting ready for outdoors I spend a couple hours at the coffee shop and then my life is wide open. Some days I wash cloths some days I answer my P.O. Box and some days I just go home and fight sleep or just give in and sleep like a log.

My father is the master of retirement and he wakes to a great breakfast unless he is going driving rental cars around in which he skips breakfast. If he isn't going to drive he has so many things to do around his house that he is so busy he hasn't the time to spend thinking about how empty his life could be. He has a wife so his life isn't empty at all it is full of love and he raised three boys that all call him to either say hi or asking him for something. It is a great full life he has been given by GOD and a wife that loves him dearly and lives a full life her self. I am so proud of them and it is I that deal with all the guilt of a life time of drug abuse and wonder why I am accident prone.

Drug free except for my legal life of pain relief and muscle spasms. So my world has tapered off to one of caring for my fellow man and the need to please or help the world the best way I can. I must write a novel every week and I have so much hand written text to type and put into my filing cabinet for the next generation to have a look at. My words are no different than King Solomon's words or your next door neighbor. There is just my opinion of how to live life without feeling empty inside.

The writings of a life piled into my file cabinet that someone might just want to take a look at one day. Maybe when my life has been ended and I have given up the ghost someone will open my filing cabinet or looking into my computer's documents to read a life of writing. All I have learned in a world of crazy changes. The times they are a changing. Dylan sang this song and I have to say the times certainly are.

Just know this and it may not have a thing to do with any of the rest of the blog but who really cares. If you have reached this far you are out of your mind anyway for my ramblings usually end stupid anyway. When my dad was a kid there wasn't one piece of crack around and in my dads dad they really had retirement and in my dads day they had loyalty, and they trust and also they had lots of bigots and wife beaters and sick people running around.

Now we have no loyalty, no retirement, no one gives a crap about any one of us accept our GOD and my friends some of us are lucky enough to have parents that love or loved us and they could be trusted just like your family members but no longer is this the case. Just look at a family that has a rich relative... When that person with the money dies the family goes berserk trying to get their share... I have given more shares away because I care and hate the world to do with out. Yes they say it is a weakness and that I will never have anything and they are right I don't want anything I am where I am because I want to be here and if you are smart you will do the same. Give till it hurts, don't let people talk you out of doing good things, don't listen to your friends when they want to do something shitty to others, be good to one another and try your best to be your best and that is all the world needs. It doesn't need anything else.

Peace Out

The Art of Living

I got such a inspirational bath last evening with Yonni... I had heard people talking about Yonni and how great he was but never ever looked for anything that the artist did. I was watching TV. last evening but a storm blocked my signal for watching TV. on the Satellite so I changed to Cable and happened across PBS doing their fund raising but as I switched onto the channel I noticed a musician with an orchestra behind him that was pretty impressively large with an incredible light show going on behind him. I watched with a smile on my face and then the violin played so veraciously that I found myself grinning and moving to the beat and then a flutist stood and I heard such incredible sounds filling each and every molecule of my being with laughter and feelings of intense jubilation. I found my self applauding and yelling bravo and more until the folks from PBS came on asking for money. I love PBS on the television and NPR on the radio and believe in giving to these great organizations especially because of the good things that they bring to our lives that other wise we wouldn't have contact with. You sure can't expect the TV. that we spend 85 dollars a month to watch to have great programming like the show I saw last night.

Anyway there he was in living color Yonni, the man himself and he spoke of his band and how they were musicians and artists from around the world of every race, religion, and culture with different beliefs all working together to make his music a reality and what a reality it is. Yonni just blew me away musically and then such a simple statement he stated gave me a new outlook on life that I think has changed my life for the better and might do the same for you once I expound on it for you. He said, "I haven't lost the child in myself". He was speaking of the child that is in all of us that once we grow up we loose as that is the one true thing we don't want to carry around with us because we want the world to take us seriously but with the attitude of a child people look down on you but that is the one thing we need to hold dear to our soul as our lives get soured by people letting us down and getting in our way and all the crap that beats us down till we are sick of living.

I heard him say he still has the child in himself and I now will use that as my montra when things begin to get me down. If we can remember this one thing in life, not to loose the child in ourselves than our lives are successes. When we can dream anything is possible and to think as a child is to believe all things are possible. Once the child is gone and we are where we are in life that is it for us and there isn't any hope left but with that child in us we can again be free to believe in Santa and Dragons and the man in the moon just for starters.

I think the minute I began to take myself serious was the day I lost my child and last night was so eye opening to me because I am not afraid of being silly anymore and I am not going to worry one bit for the rest of my life. I will live it till it spits me out but for all of you out there that have tasted defeat and sickness and emptiness you are the ones I want this message of fun and life to become part of you too.

I love you all and wish the world all the best. If we can all just get over ourselves and become a community of men and women not being afraid to do what is right for each and every one of us and quite with the greed and need to have what everyone else has that is when we can start having a fun life.

Peace Out

La Roo

Be The Art

My days begin early the older I get and the sun rises later it seems but it is all relative. My life is full of love and friends for God has treated me well. I always thought of my self as lonely but looking at it from afar you see that I am 50 years old this month and still am blessed with my entire family. My Mother and Father are still going strong and my brothers are healthy and living and loving and making the best of this world.

It is so nice not to worry about things as most of us forget about. The more we worry the more we bring upon ourselves so just enjoy what you have because things can't bring you friends and things can't bring you love. If you are in love and or married stay that way and enjoy your partner for that is your gift in life. To find that person that is your partner is the best feeling in life and there is nothing like it.

My little lady just so happens to be a little Corgi dog and other than that my home is quiet of laughter and the pitter patter of little feet from the children and the smells of meals being prepared to feed the loving family. I wonder what it would be like always to have that loving family situation with a real family but then I see my relationships that I poured my heart and soul into just to have them stomped on and crushed. I once was a fun and happy person loving everyone and visiting everyone but now the world has soured my mind against wanting such things. For me I see there is no one waiting out there.

I am paralyzed and that in it self means nothing as sex is as good as it ever was it's just that the women that would fall in love with a man in a wheelchair are so full of problems and my poor self can't take any more problems so I don't chase anyone. I want friends and love my family and friends and am always looking for someone to share my life with but love and sex are things of the past for I just haven't got the energy any longer for the real relationship.

The last lady I loved wanted nothing to do with me the night after getting naked with me and just about throwing herself at me but alas the problem came into view the minute she straightened up. Yes she drank and loved me when she was drunk but thought of me as a shitty man when she sobered up. Yes that is what I am a shitty man... I never wanted a thing from her and wouldn't even take advantage of her when she was throwing herself at me. I don't know is chivalry dead?

If you are happy in love stay that way, if you hate what your life has become change it for it is as easy and turning a light switch to change your mind. So do it and do it today and you will thank me.

Write, Paint, Sculpt, make art out of your life by being that art.

Peace Out

La Roo