Saturday in the park, I think it was the 15th of July

Today, coffee and then a trip to the beach before the weather changes to afternoon storms. I can't sit in the sun when the humidity is 100% because I get these little bubbles of water under my skin. Two days later everything that was tanned peels off of me and turns into a white spots.

I love my sun and fun in the water but in reality I won't be going anywhere because no one goes with me and I can't get around on the beach. It really sucks but wheelchairs and sand just don't get along. I want to dip in the water but getting out requires help from friends of which I have none that want to do a thing with me. I get a bunch of people telling me that we will go places but it never really materializes so I dream of a great day at the beach and do nothing.

I will go to the coffee shop and visit all my friends that I love to speak to every morning and I have gotten to where I live for there company even if I am told off most almost every other morning by someone. I love them all and we have turned into one of my favorite entities which in days of old were called a coffee clutch. This is the same thing except back then all we drank was instant with a little Irish Cream in it and it was at my house.

I think way back then to now and I have gone through so many changes as I was shooting cocaine in my arms an 8 ball every other day. I was a piece of shit but never stole from a soul and I had so many friends than I could handle. I didn't let them in on the cocaine or my needles as I didn't want any kind of disease coming across the using of needles but I loved the stuff even though it made me very selfish.

Year after year my life began emptying of most of its habits and now they are all gone except for coffee and pain pills, all legal but life was incredible back in the past as I had so many friends I couldn't spend two minutes alone and I didn't want a minute alone. Ladies galore not to mention all the attention I could stand. Those were the days my friends and I feed all of them, got them all drunk, and it was one incredible time.

I was sick of sex, drugs, and rock and roll and moved out to the woods to live with a quadriplegic friend of mine where my life began changing. I found GOD and got off of the drugs except for the legal drugs that I needed to keep my health. My buddy changed my world and he has died since then but his world changed mine for the good and I'm sure he will get many rewards in heaven for that one and I will always owe him.

Since all my friends were druggies for so many years and I had been their connection there isn't one person in my life that likes me for me so I spend most of my life's days alone and pay for my past. My days are lonely but I still have many great feelings of change that has built me up so strong that it makes no difference for I am not going to hurt another soul for their habits sake nor could I find them any. Well, that's a lie once a dealer always a connection… I just hate the thought that I could be a person that could care less about fucking up a person's life just for money's sake. God what a waist of flesh… GOD forgive me for my need for that all ruling dollar. Thank God for my awakening as I would hate myself or rather kill my self rather then do to others what was done to me.

Drugs were so much fun in the beginning and then the law got involved and took all the good drugs off the market and now if you want to get a buzz it has to be made by some terrorist or bath tub chemist in which most are killers. Methadrine is the stupidest drug on the market even though you can work for 3 days straight without a thought of food or sleep. If I saw a methadrine lab I would blow it up myself and turn all the suckers in that are involved. Be careful for there is nothing worse than a conformed addict. I would say I have never been an addict I liked all drugs and could do with out them when they ran out. That is about all I had to say about that…

Peace Out

La Roo